whoa

This week has been pivotal in my life. Some MAJOR decisions have been made. Some major changes are coming. Stay tuned for details. (lol)
First of all: Sunday Morning church. OH. MY. GOODNESS. God amazes me. I mean seriously amazes me. I was raised in 'the church'. I've seen miracle after miracle. In my own life and in other peoples lives. A few weeks ago, I was up front at the alter praying, I had just asked God to hug me. It's all I really wanted at that moment. I was feeling a million different feelings, but all I wanted from Him right then was a hug. Silly? maybe. Little ol me, asking the God of the Universe to hug me. I mean clearly He is not a physical Being right now, but well, He's God and I needed a hug. A real one. A wrap BOTH of your arms around me and take a deep breath and sigh type hug. One that lasts more than .25 seconds. I've gotten a ton of the one arm around the shoulder types, but that is not what I wanted. Hold onto your seat b/c God did it. Of course HE didn't come down and stand there and hug me, but He certainly sent someone to do it. I was standing there, the thought had barely escaped my brain "God I need a hug from you" when these arms came around me fully and squeezed and then she started to pray in my ear. Oh those sweet words. We stood there for a few moments, I was being really hugged, and then it hit me. God just hugged me and spoke to me. He also showed me that He cares JUST FOR ME!
Now fast forward from a few weeks ago to 3 days ago. Again Sunday morning service. WOW! Totally for me. I had just spent a few hours w/ a friend a few days before whining about how I don't feel like I am anybody. I was feeling insignificant. This is not really a new feeling for me but I do feel that it has compounded since the move to TX. The newest thing is (and I don't necessarily feel this way but I feel that it is being pushed on me) that I am insignificant b/c I am not a mom. I'm sure that being a mom is wonderful IF YOU WANT TO BE ONE. I don't. I'm not. I don't know if I will ever want to. Is it wrong? I never thought so. But apparently, some people do. and ya know what? it hurts me. It's the small comments that cut deep. Well, God showed up again. (when am I going to get it, that He actually cares about ME???) The whole message was about how God can and has taken nothing and made something great. I'm not saying that I am destined for greatness but I am saying that God can do whatever he wants with me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Oh and one of the decisions that I made this week: I started GriefShare classes. They are at my church once a week, the series goes for 13 weeks. Pray for me.

:phew: this is a heavy post coming from me. I promise the next one will be lighter.