Thursday, August 31, 2006

can I actually do a THURSDAY THIRTEEN?



I'm not totally sure what a Thursday Thirteen actually is except for maybe 13 random thoughts... so I'll share my randomness w/ you today.

1. I'm listening to silence. Usually we have a radio on 24/7 but I turned it off. The fridge isn't humming, the a/c isn't on, the dogs are sleeping, it's just me and the laptop. Silence is nice.

2. wow. I'm stuck already. huh.

3. I'm actually excited about my future. Like for the first time since I got engaged to be married. This is cool.

4. Have I ever confessed on here how much I LOVE a clean house!??!??! It's totally awesome!

5. Even though I don't work, I love a 3 day weekend. Hubby is home one more day w/ me!

6. I'm loving blogging and reading blogs. It's fun, it's like a peek into other peoples lives and ya get to know them better. It's also good for me to get some stuff out. KWIM?

7. What to have for dinner tonight??? I dunno, but I do know I've gotta get the sauce for tomorrow nights dinner started!!!

8. I'm pretty sure I can't make it to thirteen. I'm just not that interesting.

9. The person that laughed at me for getting someone to clean my house just called to find out who I use. Now, THAT is HILARIOUS!

10. I have found 2 new friends that I find myself thinking of often. I thank God everyday that He allowed these friendships. They are better for me than I ever could have imagined. THANK YOU!

11. I'm a scrapping tonight! Well, altering but it's done at my scrap table and w/ paper so it counts.

12. I wish I lived closer to family.

13. Look at me, I made it!! WHOO HOO!! (this probably doesn't count though, b/c it's about nothing really. but we won't tell anyone will we???)

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

whoa

This week has been pivotal in my life. Some MAJOR decisions have been made. Some major changes are coming. Stay tuned for details. (lol)
First of all: Sunday Morning church. OH. MY. GOODNESS. God amazes me. I mean seriously amazes me. I was raised in 'the church'. I've seen miracle after miracle. In my own life and in other peoples lives. A few weeks ago, I was up front at the alter praying, I had just asked God to hug me. It's all I really wanted at that moment. I was feeling a million different feelings, but all I wanted from Him right then was a hug. Silly? maybe. Little ol me, asking the God of the Universe to hug me. I mean clearly He is not a physical Being right now, but well, He's God and I needed a hug. A real one. A wrap BOTH of your arms around me and take a deep breath and sigh type hug. One that lasts more than .25 seconds. I've gotten a ton of the one arm around the shoulder types, but that is not what I wanted. Hold onto your seat b/c God did it. Of course HE didn't come down and stand there and hug me, but He certainly sent someone to do it. I was standing there, the thought had barely escaped my brain "God I need a hug from you" when these arms came around me fully and squeezed and then she started to pray in my ear. Oh those sweet words. We stood there for a few moments, I was being really hugged, and then it hit me. God just hugged me and spoke to me. He also showed me that He cares JUST FOR ME!
Now fast forward from a few weeks ago to 3 days ago. Again Sunday morning service. WOW! Totally for me. I had just spent a few hours w/ a friend a few days before whining about how I don't feel like I am anybody. I was feeling insignificant. This is not really a new feeling for me but I do feel that it has compounded since the move to TX. The newest thing is (and I don't necessarily feel this way but I feel that it is being pushed on me) that I am insignificant b/c I am not a mom. I'm sure that being a mom is wonderful IF YOU WANT TO BE ONE. I don't. I'm not. I don't know if I will ever want to. Is it wrong? I never thought so. But apparently, some people do. and ya know what? it hurts me. It's the small comments that cut deep. Well, God showed up again. (when am I going to get it, that He actually cares about ME???) The whole message was about how God can and has taken nothing and made something great. I'm not saying that I am destined for greatness but I am saying that God can do whatever he wants with me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Oh and one of the decisions that I made this week: I started GriefShare classes. They are at my church once a week, the series goes for 13 weeks. Pray for me.

:phew: this is a heavy post coming from me. I promise the next one will be lighter.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Saving Grace by Staci Wilder


OK folks, time for a small advertisement. I attend a good sized church in the Dallas area, we have about 900 members and one of them is my friend, and AUTHOR, Staci Wilder. I have this book and REALLY think you should too! You can get to her blog, "Glimpses", by clicking her name or by going to the link in my sidebar.

Here is some information on the book which has been written by the author.

SAVING GRACE: The Story Behind the Novel

The Idea:
On the first Monday morning of January 2003, I sat down with a blank page in Word opened before me on my computer screen. Previous projects were complete and it seemed very apropos that I would be beginning a brand new story in a brand new year.
It would be Grace's story, and I'd known that much for some time. While I didn't have the roadmap yet of how Grace and I would navigate through her story, I did know the story would be one about grief, forgiveness, and the road to grace.
Over the next seven months I wrote a story that I believe will always hold a special place in my heart. It was during this book that God took me to the next level of my discovery of grace. Often I would wake up, my stomach tense and nervous, because I literally had no idea what would or should happen next in the story and no clue on how to get there.
Not knowing what else to do, I'd go to my knees seeking - no, make that begging - guidance and direction just to get through the next chapter. It was during those weeks and months that I learned to bleed onto the pages of my story. I'd go from the computer to my knees, and back again. Over and over and over...
As I worked through Grace's story, God began to open the eyes of my heart to truths I'd never seen before. I wrote this story with blind faith, and no one could be as surprised at the ending as I was! Let's just say that, when it was all said and done, I'd learned yet another lesson on grace.
One afternoon I had been working on a particularly difficult chapter about midway through the book. It was a pivotal place in the story and I knew it was essential that I get it right. But it was tough going. The subject matter was heavy, the emotion was high, and I felt very inept to convey the message I knew needed to shine through.
Somewhere along the way I moved from my desk. I sat in my office chair, with the laptop propped on my knees and my feet propped on my bed. I don't remember when or how or even why. In my mind I was at The Winds in Ocean Isle with Grace. She sat across a picnic table from Kyle, trying to summon the courage to tell him the one thing she'd tried her best to keep from him, and from their marriage. It could very well be the end of her life as she knew it. Everything depended on his reaction to it.
As I prayed my way through each and every painful sentence of this scene, God took Kyle (yes, I know he's merely a character, but God really did use him!) and showed me the next level of grace.
You see, Kyle had an established relationship with God. He'd tried Him countless times before and had found Him to be true. Through his own painful loss, he'd come to know God in deep and profound ways. Kyle had experienced the same thing I did years ago. He'd had his own personal Bethel.
But Grace had not. Though she'd begun her faith walk a few years back, the baggage, hurt, and betrayal from her past were stumbling blocks in the road to forgiveness and healing where she needed to be. She loved God. She served Him. She just had no way of getting to that place of restoration under her own power.
Kyle, in spite of his own shock and pain at her words, allowed God to use him as a bridge. He stood in the gap, one hand holding tightly to Grace, the other holding even tighter to the Almighty. Grace couldn't get there on her own, but she could cling to someone who was already there and they could become her lifeline.
This is true grace.

The Writer:
I emerged from the scene above in tears and, again, changed. It may sound silly because it's just a story and, maybe, that's how God can best teach me right now. I'm not sure. What I do know is that another set of blinders were removed from my spiritual eyes that afternoon.
I was made aware of the rows and rows of folks that line our church pews. Holy, righteous people who've overcome pasts filled with unspeakable hurts and wrongs. Yes, they live for God now and, yes, there is healing in God. But sometimes it takes years to reach a place of true restoration. True grace.
And that's when we can be a bridge. We can stand in the gap, holding tightly to our fellow brother or sister with one hand, and holding even more tightly to Jesus with our other.
Of course, there is more to my life than just fiction. I’m also a wife, mom, and student, and am passionate about each of these roles. I write about these different facets of my life in Glimpses, my blog. Please join me there. I’d love to meet you!


What’s Next From Staci:
Currently, I’m working on the sequel to Saving Grace. It is called Finding Faith, and is the second in the Sycamore Manor Series.

Here is a brief blurb:
She awakens to face one of the greatest fears known to woman. He has waited a lifetime for love, guarding close a secret he intends to share with no one, except the woman he intends to marry. Frightened and alone, she turns to him for answers and, while he wants to protect her, he is helpless to do so. Can she find strength in his care? Can he find the care he craves in her frailty?

While showering one morning, thirty-two year old Faith Chandler discovers a lump in her left breast. Immediately, her mind and emotions begin a tug-of-war, one invoking rationalization, the other—sheer panic. An enthusiastic junior high school English teacher, Faith’s future—the one she thought she had forever to think about—seems suddenly overcast.

Thirty-six year old Marshall Morgan finds fulfillment in his work. The CEO and director of the teen pregnancy home founded by his late grandmother, he takes pride in what he’s come to view as a ministry of sorts. Still, there’s a vacancy in his heart, a place for a special woman that the Lord has yet to reveal to him. And then…there is his secret, the one he intends to share with no one, except the woman who will become his wife. When petite, dark-haired Faith Chandler walks through his door, he wonders if—at last—he is meeting the woman who will make his life complete.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK, this is me again:
I love you Staci, and I am completly in awe of your talent, your friendship, and your dedication to your work. Thank you for being a friend to me!!! Wanna go golfing??? :-)

Thursday, August 24, 2006

What in the name of everything that is holy....

am I doing up??? and I mean UP. I am awake, brewing coffee, and (blogging obviously) wishing that C was up so that I can stripe the bed and wash the linens! (???) OK, for some people it is not that unusual to be up and brewing coffee and even blogging at 6:15am, but for someone who doesn't work or have kids and LOVES to sleep in, this IS unusual. Now, the intense desire to be washing my bed linens is what I feel is quite unusual for just about anybody. (coffee's ready, brb) So, why in the world am I feeling this way?? Did I have a dream about doing the linens? If so, I don't remember it. However, I did just buy some new downy w/ febreze that is citrus scented and OF COURSE I bought it on the day after I finished washing all the laundry (notice I didn't say 'finished DOING' all the laundry b/c in my eyes then all the laundry would be PUT AWAY and not sitting on various pieces of furniture in my home in mountainous piles mocking me). I also have an urge to vacuum. I mean seriously what is up with all this??? So instead, I will blog, then settle in to read a publication by my dear friend Staci. Waking Emma. No doubt it will be good, it looks long, so it should get me through my day. I have to waste enormous amounts of time today at the dealership. My car needs an oil change and the brakes are behaving weird, so they need to be checked out. Then I have to go to the police station. The bank sent me an affidavit to fill out regarding the draining of our account and on it they want to know the name of the officer that we reported it to... well, we never reported it. I didn't know I had to. I'm also going to wash the sheets on my bed, lest I get woken up at another ungodly hour tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.................

Ok this is cool. I’ve never been tagged on a blog before… I’ve ‘lifted’ ideas from other blogs but have never actually been called out to do one. So YAY! I’m excited!!!
However, this may prove to be more boring than you ever imagined.

Accent: oh New York all the way. If you really want to hear it, just get me excited about something or mad. Then it REALLY comes out. “Y’all” just doesn’t flow from my lips. Oh and “fixin’” what’s up with THAT???

Bible book I love: Ecclesiastes is my book of choice right now. But these things vary.

Chore I don't care for: putting laundry away. Actually doing the laundry is no big deal, I throw it from one machine to the next, but putting it away UGH! I’d rather clean the toilets.

Dog or cat: Dog. Hands down.

Essential electronics: wireless internet on my laptop. (how much more spoiled can I actually be??? Unfortunatly, I learned I can live w/ out my cell phone. Someone decided they needed to teach me that lesson so they took my phone w/out my permission!!!!

Favorite movie: Sleepless in Seattle. My mom and I used to quote it to each other.

Gold or silver: silver

Handbag I carry most: The one that matches my outfit! DUH!

Insomnia: hardly ever.

Job Title: wife.

Kids: none. Ever. Thankyouverymuch.

Living arrangements: C and I reside in our home w/ our 2 dogs quite happily I might add.

Most memorable moment: When my mom died. It was amazing. It was just me and her and God.

Naughtiest childhood behavior: “I am covered, covered, covered by His blood.” and that is all you will get out of me!

Phobias: many. Insects, what could be in the dark, a home invasion, and I am sure that there are more I just can’t think right now.

Religion: I’m a one-God apostolic, tongue-talking, holy roller, born again, heaven bound believer!

Siblings: A brother, B. He is 5 yrs older than me.

Time I wake up: It varies. I do try to get up by 9 at the latest.

Unusual talent: hmmm, I play the Kazoo, does that count?

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Cauliflower, broccoli, cooked spinach, zucchini, um it would be easier for me to list the ones that I will eat. I’m not a fan of the veggies.

Worst habit: eating too much. And I’m also a worry wart.

X-rays: my foot, my hand, my arm, my teeth, and my head. (thank God it wasn’t a tumor!)

Yummy stuff I cook: Chicken Piccata. Just about anything Italian.

Zoo animal I like the most: Giraffes and Penguins! Oh they are soooo cute!!!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

A beautiful sight!


RAIN! Finally. Not a whole lot. But water fell from the heavens this afternoon. It brought such sweet relief. I watch the temperature outside go from 100 degrees to 83 degrees in just 30 minutes. It was all so perfect, I was sitting on the couch in our living room, reading; the house was 'picked up' and the bread machine was kneading the dough for fresh bread tonight when I heard it; Plink. Plink. Plinkplink. Plink. I looked up and sure enough the leaves on the banana tree outside where shiny. Then a rumble of thunder. Oh Thank You God! North Texas is in such need of rain. We need more, but just the 10 minute spell of rain today made me soooo happy. I ran and got my camera to capture the event. Here it is:


Finally. Thank God!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Some days I think I'm crazy.

I have been jobless since the end of June. (oh I heard from the company... 'the board decided they needed to go in a different direction' but 'we'd like to keep your info b/c we feel that you fit w/ the company'... oh well. I guess it wasn't meant for me.
Now that I've been sitting at home for almost 8 weeks or whatever the number is... I feel like I'm going insane. SOOOOO the genius that I am, I offered to volunteer at the school that our church runs. Today, I get to teach the elementary kids PE. I will also teach the high school boys cooking once a month and the elementary kids cooking and something else oh AND if I can once I learn some photography skills, I will do a 6 week elective for the HS. I need to go take that class at wolf camera. I really could get into that.
The way my two dogs tussle you would never know that Duke weighs 30 pounds more than Josie. She is totally PSYCHO! She is way too rough. I just had to separate them.
I wish the weather would break here. We need to get below 100 and we desparately need rain. I mean a serious week long douse of rain. This drought is like almost of biblical proportions. It has also caused our foundation to shift which means more $$$$ out of our pockets for repairs. OY OY OY! Last night C said he didn't want to be a grown up anymore, he wants someone else to pay the bills. Another reason why I wish the weather would break is b/c I want to go outside and take pics w/ my camera. I'd really like some of the lake. I just wish it were fuller.
Church was GREAT last night. Totally cool how Pastor H had people get prayed for that were widows/widowers, and people who had lost someone in recent years. so AWESOME! I totally needed that. God knows.

one final thought... GO YANKEES!!! WHOO HOOO! They have totally slammed boston 4 games in a row!!!! I'm seriously praying that they sweep the series. Today is the last game. oh did I mention they are playing in boston!??!???!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Ya missed it! and it's all BLOGGERS fault!



OK Blogger is WAY TOO irritating sometimes. I’ve ignored posting b/c on Monday I wrote this huge long post about the weekend and how I totally pulled off a surprise party for C on Sat night. I was posting about how incredibly stressful the 2 hours that had lead up the party were and all the roadblocks that came up against me…. I went to change some of the words to color and ‘POOF’ the whole post disappeared. It was so incredibly frustrating that I refused to even go to my blog until now.
So, bottom line is: C was totally surprised. It was great. He must have said thank you to me a dozen times. I’m so excited that I could do this for him. He deserves it and totally needed it. I’ll post the pics of him coming in the door.

Now, on to more recent events: I’ve called about the job, left a voicemail and got no response. I have started submitting my resume to other job openings. In the meantime, I am going to see if I can volunteer at the school at the church. I’m just WAY too bored at home.

Josie’s surgery went great and she is scheduled to get her stitches out tomorrow. You’d never know she had them. She jumps around like a crazy mutt.

Since I was so stressed about preparing C’s party on Sat I TOTALLY forgot that it was the 12th so I missed the challenge for this month… I’m really bummed about that b/c a few days prior to it I was excited about it being on the day of the party so that I could take pics all day of the prep and what not…. Oh well, can’t cry over spilled milk.

I’m really hoping to go camping soon. I enjoy it; in a cabin anyway. I’m not one for tents and stuff. I like the cooking out part and hanging out outside in the dark and just being around the ‘outdoors’.

This post is gonna have to end. I need to go scrap a lo for a Circle Journal that I am in.

Take care! Catcha later, Gator!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

It still hurts.

I miss my mom. It's been 2 1/2 years but it feels like last week. It totally breaks me up that I can't just pick up the phone and call her. I miss her soooooo much that it takes my breath away. Sometimes, I don't think about her all day and then I lay down to go to sleep at night and it hits me like a ton of bricks. Something just grips me in the middle of my chest and I can't breathe. I'm surprised my pillow isn't moldy from all the tears that it has absorbed. oh and apparently my husband is a deep sleeper. :rolling my eyes and sighing:

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I'm here

BLESS GOD!! In all things, BLESS GOD!
I'm still waiting, I'm still wishing, I'm still praying, and I'm still blessing God.
I LOVED being back w/ my kiddos in my classroom tonight, although half of them were missing. We still had a good time. We celebrated how great they were this weekend sitting on the platform and singing during the kids crusade. I was so 'sanctified' proud as Pastor Davis would say.
This won't be a long post b/c it's late and my contacts desparately need to be taken out of my eys.
I have really had a hard time adjusting to this move. It was hard to move to Belleville, but that move was WAY easier than this move. I don't know what the deal is. I don't know if it has anything to do w/ the house in IL still being up for sale or what but it is so different. I totally miss my friends, I really haven't established any real friendships here yet. I mean the people are nice and wonderful and all but it seems that they are already in their little groove and there just isn't room for me. I remember feeling this way on a much smaller scale in Belleville, I felt like I didn't fit in b/c I didn't have kids. Now I don't know what is holding me back. It could just be me or maybe there really is something else there. Either way this move has been harder on me. Now C has been saying that this is NOT where we are going to retire (btw, that is VERY FAR INTO THE FUTURE) he says he can't live the rest of his life w/out snow and heck neither can I but this means that I will have to move again and do the whole friend seeking thing again. We are in the middle of a game right now that is very fun, we call it Terminator, C learned about it in the AirForce but they called it Assasins, so to make it somewhat more church friendly we changed the name to Terminator. Since I am acting in the role of Marshall I get all the phone calls and I am logging onto the Youth website and posting in the youth forum. So it is making me be more active in the youth and its fun. I love knowing who has who and what all is going on. Saturday there is a youth outing so I'm hoping for more 'kills', but C is inclined to call a truce. :-( that will be no fun for me!
Ok, gotta go the eyes are DONE!
Catch ya later!!!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

warning: whiney post!

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself these days.
I hate that my stupid house in IL hasen't sold yet. I hate that I don't know if I've gotten the dumb job yet, I just called this morning and they are 'hoping to make a decision in the next week or so'. Well, COME ON PEOPLE!!! How long do they expect for a person to sit around and wait for a job!??!??!
C's birthday is Thursday. He will be 30. I wish there was more money floating around at our house b/c I would have really liked to do this up big... he deserves it.
Oh and our cordless phones just up and died yesterday including the answerer so now we have to go shopping for a new phone system. UGH UGH UGH!!!! That will take forever b/c I'm so picky as to how the phone actually feels in my hand.
Gas prices are going up again b/c BP had to shut down a corroding pipeline so we all have to pay for their carelessness. Well, guess who will never buy BP gas again! Yup, that would be ME!
I hate TX area codes, I never know when I have to dial a one or not.
OMGOSH! Something just now hit me as I was re reading my post. A few weeks ago, C did a 5 minute 'sermonette' on a Sunday night. He spoke about all the bad stuff that happened to Job and how 'Mrs. Job' said "just curse God and die." Well, C told us that the opposite of that must work. "Bless God and LIVE!" So.........
I praise You Lord, b/c I have a wonderful husband.
I praise You Lord, b/c I live in a country that allows me to worship my God in any way that I choose.
I praise You Lord, b/c I have good health.
I praise You Lord, b/c I have a roof over my head, food in my home, people that love and care for me, a wonderful, loving, giving, caring church family.
I praise You Lord, b/c You are my Savior, my Lord, my God, my Hope, my Shield, my Help, my FRIEND.
I'm choosing today to BLESS GOD and LIVE!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Heading back to TX tonight!

At first, I was sad about leaving C for 10 days I thought the days would go so slooooowly... but here it is my last day here and I'm sad about leaving. I'm soooo blessed to have this family in my life, they have been truly amazing to me. I got an unbelievable paycheck last night and as an added bonus I get to raid the guest room closet to take some stuff home for C. The 'Mr' has lost a significant amount of weight and has clothes to pass on... YAY!!!
I'm quite apprehensive today, my little girl is going to the vet to be spayed. UGH! I wish I could have been home w/ her this morning to love on her. They are keeping her overnight so I will pick her up tomorrow morning.
Soooooo, I went to the St. Louis Arch on Tuesday, it HOT and HUMID but a GORGEOUS day! My little guy was in such a great mood and agreeable but I DIDN'T HAVE MY CAMERA!!! GRRRRRR!!! The sky was sooooo blue and cloudless and a perfect backdrop for the Arch. The Arch was an after thought trip so I really can't be blamed for not having the camera. Originally, we were just meeting his mom downtown for lunch and I didn't want to leave it in the car to cook at a million degrees. Today we are going to the transportation museum so for sure I'll remember the camera.
OK what the heck is our realtor thinking??? I drove by our house on Sat and then again on Tuesday and there is not a for sale sign in the yard anymore!!! I mean HELLO??? Are you or are you not trying to sell my house woman???
And still no word about the job I interviewed for. I got a call on Friday and they told me that they were presenting the applicants to the board for review. I HATE WAITING!!!
I'm also frustrated b/c my laptop battery is dying... it last for ALMOST 30 minutes after a FULL charge. C told me today that he heard that laptop batteries only last about 2-3 years... well my computer is just a few months over 2 years.... so guess we are gonna have to breakdown a buy one of those bad boys.
Well, kids, I'll catch you later! Have a great day!