Why C will be a great Daddy!
1. He's patient.
2. He's smart.
3. He loves to play with kids toys. (Especially legos or building type toys)
4. He likes to cuddle.
5. He's caring.
6. He loves (and knows how) to fly a kite.
7. He likes kids already.
8. The man can clean up puke w/out losing it himself! (I'll spare you the details)
9. He can fix things... with or without duct tape!
10. He already wants the best for his kid.
11. He knows how to be goofy and make someone laugh.
12. He loves his wife.
13. He loves the Lord.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
he's the best!!!!
So I haven't linked it here and I'm not sure why but C is blogging about his reaction/feelings to this whole pregnancy surprise. He's an awesome writer. Truly. I'm not just saying that b/c I'm his wife, he really is. Here is his blog: www.unexpectedblessing.blogspot.com
He doesn't write often, which is frustrating for me b/c I'd love to read his stuff everyday!!! I usually only bug him TO blog not what to blog ABOUT. But a few weeks ago he did a post on Snips and Snails, please.... and it bothered me a little. Only b/c I worried that if we have a girl and somehow or at sometime we share our blogs with her it would hurt her feelings that daddy didn't want her. So I BEGGED him to do a post about how it wouldn't be the most awful thing in the world to have a little girl. Well, today he did it. And it made me fall in love with him even more. You see, I always worry that my strong personality squashes him, I do try to encourage him to be the best that I know that he can be, but I never want to squash who he is. So his post today made me feel really good, it doesn't sound like he feels squashed does it?
oh and btw, results from the cardiologist are in... I'm fine, I have a strong, healthy, and normal heart! So YAY!!!
He doesn't write often, which is frustrating for me b/c I'd love to read his stuff everyday!!! I usually only bug him TO blog not what to blog ABOUT. But a few weeks ago he did a post on Snips and Snails, please.... and it bothered me a little. Only b/c I worried that if we have a girl and somehow or at sometime we share our blogs with her it would hurt her feelings that daddy didn't want her. So I BEGGED him to do a post about how it wouldn't be the most awful thing in the world to have a little girl. Well, today he did it. And it made me fall in love with him even more. You see, I always worry that my strong personality squashes him, I do try to encourage him to be the best that I know that he can be, but I never want to squash who he is. So his post today made me feel really good, it doesn't sound like he feels squashed does it?
oh and btw, results from the cardiologist are in... I'm fine, I have a strong, healthy, and normal heart! So YAY!!!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Thursday Thirteen (+1) Quiz! ;)
JUST TWO THINGS
Two Names You Go By:
1. Denise
2. 'Nise
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. undies
2. Yankees tshirt
Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:
1. Love
2. Trust
Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. Read
2. Play games
Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. More money
2. A clean bill of health
Two pets you had/have:
1. Whitney (a Beagle mix)
2. Marble (a Yorkie)
Two people who will fill this out:
1. Nobody?
2. Since Becky already did it... maybe Rochelle, Staci, or Tsionah
Two things you did last night:
1. Watched DVD's
2. Took the dogs on a walk
Two things you ate today:
1. um... so far, just a cup of tea (that I'm still working on!)
2.
Two people you Last Talked To today:
1. C
2. Does IMing count???
Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Having family over
2. Cooking dinner
Two longest car rides:
1. C and I drove from NY to IL (a few times actually)
2. When I was a kid, we drove from Long Island to Orando, FL
Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Thanksgiving
2. Christmas
Two favorite beverages:
1. Grape Soda (must be a preggo thing)
2. Sweet Iced Tea
Two Names You Go By:
1. Denise
2. 'Nise
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. undies
2. Yankees tshirt
Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:
1. Love
2. Trust
Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. Read
2. Play games
Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. More money
2. A clean bill of health
Two pets you had/have:
1. Whitney (a Beagle mix)
2. Marble (a Yorkie)
Two people who will fill this out:
1. Nobody?
2. Since Becky already did it... maybe Rochelle, Staci, or Tsionah
Two things you did last night:
1. Watched DVD's
2. Took the dogs on a walk
Two things you ate today:
1. um... so far, just a cup of tea (that I'm still working on!)
2.
Two people you Last Talked To today:
1. C
2. Does IMing count???
Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Having family over
2. Cooking dinner
Two longest car rides:
1. C and I drove from NY to IL (a few times actually)
2. When I was a kid, we drove from Long Island to Orando, FL
Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Thanksgiving
2. Christmas
Two favorite beverages:
1. Grape Soda (must be a preggo thing)
2. Sweet Iced Tea
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Let's catch you all up to speed...
Last week, I agreed to watch 2 little kids. A 14 month old and a 4 month old. Need I remind you that I am 15 weeks pregnant???? WHAT WAS I THINKING??? When the family first approached me about this, I reminded them that I needed naptime... for me! They assured me that this would not be a problem, the baby 'pretty much just eats and sleeps all day' and the 'toddler' takes a good 3 hour nap. This may be true, but I could not get them both asleep at the same time! And the 'toddler' was sick apparently. I've taken care of kids for a good many years now, I've definately changed more than anyones share of diapers. Diapers don't scare me, if you do it right, it's over in a matter of moments, but this poor little guy had THE worst diapers I have ever seen!! I'll spare you the disgusting details, but it was B A D!!! Then he vomited. Now, this is when I have a problem... (again remember I'm preggo and have what C and I refer to as "Bionic Nose") I can't stand vomit, my own or anyone else's. He covered himself in it, then proceded to get it on the couch, the living room carpet, and made a nice trail in the kitchen with it as well. OH precious Lord help me!!! I called the mom... voicemail, I called the dad... voicemail, I called my hubby... he was there but could I really make him drive almost 40 minutes to clean up someone else's kids puke??? Bless his heart though, he did volunteer. I did manage to get it cleaned up, but it took me a while.... I kept having to run away for fresh air.
Saturday was a very full day. C had Easter drama rehearsal and I was to meet up w/him at the church to get a look at a friends RV (way way way cool by the way), after the rehearsal they made a plea to find people for the crowd scenes... so like an idiot, I volunteered. Then we went out to the RV, wound up being in there for a while chatting and stuff then made plans to meet this same couple for dinner, so C and I went to Wallyworld, then drove through some outlets, (b/c I am getting very desparate for maternity clothes) then on to dinner w/ the friends. We got home pretty late, but we had a really nice time.
Sunday was busy as usual.
Then Monday came. I had to go see my OB dr about how I am adjusting to the blood pressure meds she started me on last week, (I'm doing better) and they had to draw some blood. On my way out the door I mentioned that every once in a while I feel my heart racing and wondered if that was just my body getting used to being pregnant... nope, call us later today they said. So C and I headed off to our scheduled level 2 ultrasound at a downtown hospital. Last Friday, C did a little reasearch and apparently a level 2 u/s is no biggie, so I wasn't too worried about it. (forgot to mention that on Sunday night I had some cramping and pain in my lower abdomen, so I was getting a bit anxious to see this kiddo.) We get to the Perinatologist's office and find out that he is a specialist in high risk pregnancies. Ok, well that really wasn't a surprise to me... but it certainly didn't make me feel any better. The sono tech did a prelim scan, measured the baby'e EVERYTHING. Bone structure, brain, tried to look at the heart valves, but apparently we are just a bit too early for that. Usually this type of sono is done at 18-22 weeks, I'm barely at 16 weeks. We got to see some great shots of the 'lil bean' kicking its legs around and moving its arms some. At one point, I looked over at C (BIG MISTAKE!!!) he was sitting there with his mouth wide open just staring at the screen on the wall. I busted out laughing, stomach shaking giggling laughing!!! Of course, then the tech was laughing at me b/c now the pic was all shaky and what not. :D I had forgotten that C wasn't able to be with me 2 weeks ago when I went for a sono, when I got to see the kiddo and the arms moving, so this was his first time seeing the 'lil bean' looking like a real person with identifiable moving parts and all! We go back in 6 weeks, so that should be really awesome! The dr came in and at first his demeanor made me NERVOUS!!! but after a few moments it was all cool, and I really came to like him. He took another look, said baby looks A-OK, then said let's go chat in my office. He explained why I was there, b/c of my pregnancy induced hypertension, and then asked about family history. I explained that my mom's sister had 2 still born babies, and 2 babies that died of Infantile Muscular Atrophy (thank you C for remembering that name!!!), the doc grew a little concerned when he heard that and whipped out one of his medical books and read up on it and figured out that really my chances of being a carrier for that disease were/are close to nothing and then the chances that I married someone who is a carrier are even less... so we feel like we are in the clear on that one. Then he read up on Adderall which was the ADD medicine that I was taking til I found out I was preggo at almost 8 weeks. He said that shouldn't be a problem, but that I can't take it until after delivery. (bummer, cause I really miss that stuff!) Then, I mentioned the heart 'flutters'. He didn't like that part but said that it is probably no biggie, but he called my OB to fill her in and suggested that I be sent to a cardiologist. So now I'm waiting to hear from the dr's office about that. But the bottom line is, he said that he primarily deals w/ high risk cases were they have to decide to take the baby earlier b/c it is best for mom and baby and blah blah blah, but that I'm not a concern to him at all. He also said that I have the best OB dr in the region and that she delivered one of his own kiddos. He just couldn't say enough good things about my OB dr so that made me feel REALLY GOOD!!!
Just so you know, they couldn't tell the gender of the baby b/c it was too early, which is fine, b/c we aren't going to find out anyway. In 6 weeks when we go back, they will be able to tell and we will have to remind them REPEATEDLY that WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE GENDER!!! I guess they don't get that too often. :)
So now you are caught up, I have some things I need to do so I'm outta here!
Later gang!
Saturday was a very full day. C had Easter drama rehearsal and I was to meet up w/him at the church to get a look at a friends RV (way way way cool by the way), after the rehearsal they made a plea to find people for the crowd scenes... so like an idiot, I volunteered. Then we went out to the RV, wound up being in there for a while chatting and stuff then made plans to meet this same couple for dinner, so C and I went to Wallyworld, then drove through some outlets, (b/c I am getting very desparate for maternity clothes) then on to dinner w/ the friends. We got home pretty late, but we had a really nice time.
Sunday was busy as usual.
Then Monday came. I had to go see my OB dr about how I am adjusting to the blood pressure meds she started me on last week, (I'm doing better) and they had to draw some blood. On my way out the door I mentioned that every once in a while I feel my heart racing and wondered if that was just my body getting used to being pregnant... nope, call us later today they said. So C and I headed off to our scheduled level 2 ultrasound at a downtown hospital. Last Friday, C did a little reasearch and apparently a level 2 u/s is no biggie, so I wasn't too worried about it. (forgot to mention that on Sunday night I had some cramping and pain in my lower abdomen, so I was getting a bit anxious to see this kiddo.) We get to the Perinatologist's office and find out that he is a specialist in high risk pregnancies. Ok, well that really wasn't a surprise to me... but it certainly didn't make me feel any better. The sono tech did a prelim scan, measured the baby'e EVERYTHING. Bone structure, brain, tried to look at the heart valves, but apparently we are just a bit too early for that. Usually this type of sono is done at 18-22 weeks, I'm barely at 16 weeks. We got to see some great shots of the 'lil bean' kicking its legs around and moving its arms some. At one point, I looked over at C (BIG MISTAKE!!!) he was sitting there with his mouth wide open just staring at the screen on the wall. I busted out laughing, stomach shaking giggling laughing!!! Of course, then the tech was laughing at me b/c now the pic was all shaky and what not. :D I had forgotten that C wasn't able to be with me 2 weeks ago when I went for a sono, when I got to see the kiddo and the arms moving, so this was his first time seeing the 'lil bean' looking like a real person with identifiable moving parts and all! We go back in 6 weeks, so that should be really awesome! The dr came in and at first his demeanor made me NERVOUS!!! but after a few moments it was all cool, and I really came to like him. He took another look, said baby looks A-OK, then said let's go chat in my office. He explained why I was there, b/c of my pregnancy induced hypertension, and then asked about family history. I explained that my mom's sister had 2 still born babies, and 2 babies that died of Infantile Muscular Atrophy (thank you C for remembering that name!!!), the doc grew a little concerned when he heard that and whipped out one of his medical books and read up on it and figured out that really my chances of being a carrier for that disease were/are close to nothing and then the chances that I married someone who is a carrier are even less... so we feel like we are in the clear on that one. Then he read up on Adderall which was the ADD medicine that I was taking til I found out I was preggo at almost 8 weeks. He said that shouldn't be a problem, but that I can't take it until after delivery. (bummer, cause I really miss that stuff!) Then, I mentioned the heart 'flutters'. He didn't like that part but said that it is probably no biggie, but he called my OB to fill her in and suggested that I be sent to a cardiologist. So now I'm waiting to hear from the dr's office about that. But the bottom line is, he said that he primarily deals w/ high risk cases were they have to decide to take the baby earlier b/c it is best for mom and baby and blah blah blah, but that I'm not a concern to him at all. He also said that I have the best OB dr in the region and that she delivered one of his own kiddos. He just couldn't say enough good things about my OB dr so that made me feel REALLY GOOD!!!
Just so you know, they couldn't tell the gender of the baby b/c it was too early, which is fine, b/c we aren't going to find out anyway. In 6 weeks when we go back, they will be able to tell and we will have to remind them REPEATEDLY that WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE GENDER!!! I guess they don't get that too often. :)
So now you are caught up, I have some things I need to do so I'm outta here!
Later gang!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Thirteen baby items I've got my eye on.
1. Soothing Motions Glider I've gotta have this... it plays Do you know the muffin man? which is a funny story that we share w/ some friends of ours.
2. Pack n Play There are so many out there that it is hard to choose.
3. Another pack n play
4. Thinking about this bassinet thing
5. Stroller/carseat possibility
6. Crib
7. Glider Of course, it needs to be 'tested'. :)
8. and I'll NEED the ottoman to go with it!
9. Of course I'll need this! or this.
10. Highchair that matches the house, or just looks cool.
11. Every kid needs a swing, I love that it can plug into the wall... no more batteries!
12. For peace of mind, gotta have the monitor
13. This will be a 'must have' item in a few years.
*All underlined words are links to websites to the actual product. This is not a plea for gifts or anything... I'm just dreaming and sharing!
2. Pack n Play There are so many out there that it is hard to choose.
3. Another pack n play
4. Thinking about this bassinet thing
5. Stroller/carseat possibility
6. Crib
7. Glider Of course, it needs to be 'tested'. :)
8. and I'll NEED the ottoman to go with it!
9. Of course I'll need this! or this.
10. Highchair that matches the house, or just looks cool.
11. Every kid needs a swing, I love that it can plug into the wall... no more batteries!
12. For peace of mind, gotta have the monitor
13. This will be a 'must have' item in a few years.
*All underlined words are links to websites to the actual product. This is not a plea for gifts or anything... I'm just dreaming and sharing!
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I don't have a picture.
I know it's supposed to be a Wordless Wednesday and that means I can either post a picture instead of rambling on or I could just not post.... but I'm bored and feel like posting today so I'm ignoring the whole 'wordless' part of this Wednesday.
I've been sick. I'm just now feeling better. I've had a sinus infection and man, did it ever knock me off of my feet! On Monday, I finally called my dr to beg for mercy, she called in a zpack for me. God bless her.
Yesterday, I had an appointment to see the eye doctor. C has been working on his truck and it wasn't quite ready to go yet so he took my car to work. I figured no problem, the office is only a bit more than a mile down the road, I can walk there. So, knowing I really wouldn't want to walk home too, I made a lunch date w/ a friend and figured I'd beg for mercy and get her to drive me home. Now, they tell me that walking during your pregnancy is good for you, well, by the time I got to the dr's office my tummy was sore and I was in a sweat. It was barely 70* out, but I was talking on my cell phone for the entire walk and I was in a hurry b/c I misjudged how long it would take me to get there. Plus for a few blocks there was no sidewalk so I had major terrain to traverse! After my exam, (no change in my eyes since last year, YAY!) I checked my cell... 1 missed call... from lunch date/friend. I called her back... "I'm sooooo sorry but I can't make it today" UGH!!! Now I've gotta walk home!!! It really wasn't a big deal and actually rather nice, I may do it again sometime before it gets too hot.
Remember, I said that my tummy was sore? and it has been for a few days, but I figured it was just the baby making room and what not. So, yesterday afternoon I'm relaxing on the couch and doing what all pregnant women do... rub their belly. Then it hits me. OH MY WORD!!! I no longer have a dent above my belly. I totally don't know when it happened, but all of a sudden I. LOOK. Pregnant. I'm only 14 weeks. Could this really be possible??? When C got home last night I showed him, his eyes popped out of his head and he said HEY you are pregnant!!! I also asked him if my belly came out farther than my boobs and he said yes, and I started to pout. You'd have to know what I look like to understand that this is MAJOR for my belly to be bigger than my boobs. Hubby informs me that its ok, I'm supposed to look this way... I'm pregnant. So, I asked him if he could be pregnant for a while. He just laughed at me. And here I thought he was doing so well. Guess we have to go shopping this weekend.
I've been sick. I'm just now feeling better. I've had a sinus infection and man, did it ever knock me off of my feet! On Monday, I finally called my dr to beg for mercy, she called in a zpack for me. God bless her.
Yesterday, I had an appointment to see the eye doctor. C has been working on his truck and it wasn't quite ready to go yet so he took my car to work. I figured no problem, the office is only a bit more than a mile down the road, I can walk there. So, knowing I really wouldn't want to walk home too, I made a lunch date w/ a friend and figured I'd beg for mercy and get her to drive me home. Now, they tell me that walking during your pregnancy is good for you, well, by the time I got to the dr's office my tummy was sore and I was in a sweat. It was barely 70* out, but I was talking on my cell phone for the entire walk and I was in a hurry b/c I misjudged how long it would take me to get there. Plus for a few blocks there was no sidewalk so I had major terrain to traverse! After my exam, (no change in my eyes since last year, YAY!) I checked my cell... 1 missed call... from lunch date/friend. I called her back... "I'm sooooo sorry but I can't make it today" UGH!!! Now I've gotta walk home!!! It really wasn't a big deal and actually rather nice, I may do it again sometime before it gets too hot.
Remember, I said that my tummy was sore? and it has been for a few days, but I figured it was just the baby making room and what not. So, yesterday afternoon I'm relaxing on the couch and doing what all pregnant women do... rub their belly. Then it hits me. OH MY WORD!!! I no longer have a dent above my belly. I totally don't know when it happened, but all of a sudden I. LOOK. Pregnant. I'm only 14 weeks. Could this really be possible??? When C got home last night I showed him, his eyes popped out of his head and he said HEY you are pregnant!!! I also asked him if my belly came out farther than my boobs and he said yes, and I started to pout. You'd have to know what I look like to understand that this is MAJOR for my belly to be bigger than my boobs. Hubby informs me that its ok, I'm supposed to look this way... I'm pregnant. So, I asked him if he could be pregnant for a while. He just laughed at me. And here I thought he was doing so well. Guess we have to go shopping this weekend.
Friday, March 02, 2007
just to clarify
I am not angry at being pregnant... just not used to the idea. I am totally loving the idea of having a child... I just didn't want for it to pass through my body. Please don't read anything into my previous post other than what I said... there is no underlying message, so don't make one up.
Thank you ... and now back to your regular routine.
Thank you ... and now back to your regular routine.
Warning: Honesty ahead!
If you don’t think you can handle it, I won’t be offended if you don’t read on…
Remember I’m from New York and usually just shoot from the hip.
It’s time for some ‘blog-honesty’. This is one of those posts where I pour out my soul. This time it is not about my mom. It’s about my BECOMING a mom. Quite honestly, I’m scared to death! Not really about the parenting part. I’m pretty ok with that. I know there will be times that it will be tough, I'm not ignorant but I do have experience (I was a nanny for YEARS), I’ve got education, I’ve got a great hubby and a wonderful support system in place…
I’m TERRIFIED of actually giving birth to this baby. My whole life I never wanted to be pregnant. Being pregnant never appealed to me. It was never a dream of mine; I never longed to have a human conceived and growing inside of me. Me having a baby that was flesh of my flesh… well, didn’t excite me in the least. I’m good at loving other people’s kids. And well, let’s face it… I have A.D.D. and 40 weeks is a LOOOOOOONG time.
I don’t like going to the doctor.
I’m a very modest person and don’t really want everyone up in my personal space.
I don’t want ANYONE to rub or touch my growing belly (unless I invite you to).
I’m not a fan of pain.
I don’t like to be uncomfortable.
I used to always want kids, then when I was told that I couldn’t… no problem, even better, I wanted to adopt anyway… we looked into that…. It’s EXPENSIVE.
Foster care… not the road for us, really. So, no kids, is how we planned on living.
Now this surprise comes barreling into my life, don’t get me wrong, I feel incredibly blessed that God has worked this miracle in my life… I just wish He would have worked on me first. My brain still hasn’t comprehended all of what is to come. Sure most new moms feel this way… but they also had usually dreamed of being ‘a mom’. I never dreamed about it. Sometimes I would wonder… but that was it and really not for long. I’m too selfish. I know this too will change and really I’ll be ok with that too… but, I sure will miss my freedom. I also have this ‘no family’ nearby thing going on. Yes, friends have offered and I’m already grateful, but I don’t want to take advantage of the friendship. I just want to go to the grocery store without it being a big production.
People have told me that you don’t know what love is until you have your own child. As someone who has been ‘childless’ for years, I’ll tell you right now, that HURTS. DEEPLY! If you have said that, DON'T EVER SAY IT AGAIN!!!! To say that to someone says to them that they are not complete as a person. I realize that my feelings for this child will be intense, but to tell someone they don’t know the full capacity of love b/c they haven’t procreated…. BALONEY! I’m a child of the most high God, and while it may be hard to grasp sometimes, HE LOVES ME AND I KNOW IT and I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE! So before you go spilling your ‘words of wisdom’ put yourself in their shoes; what if they are unable to conceive due to a physical condition of their own or their spouse? Now, you’ve hurt them even more; 1 you’ve said they are not complete as a person and 2 there is nothing they can do about it. What if they have felt like they would be an unfit parent and have chosen not to have children? There is nothing wrong with that choice either. In a previous Thursday Thirteen way back in September, I had written my reasons for not wanting to have kids; a comment I received on that post…. “…I think you're dog-gone healthy to be so clear-headed and concise about such a subject! Really.” (thank you, Staci) Then there are people who just can’t seem to comprehend that CHOOSING to not have children can actually be the right choice for some. (Sometimes I wish more people would make that choice!) God forbid someone actually thinks about something before they dive in without checking the depth of the water! Really, I could go on all day about this… I’ve had to defend my position for years, bottom line what I am saying is; this is huge for me and its going to take a bit for me to get used to this idea. I’m sure I’ll be fine, but don’t be upset with me for not being excited out of my skin yet. I promise I will love and care for this baby with my whole heart. I just don’t like it when people say things to/about people who don’t have children, just because you procreated doesn’t make you more special than anyone else… I’ve got news for you… DONKEYS do it too! And they take care of their offspring and they don’t resent them either!
Remember I’m from New York and usually just shoot from the hip.
It’s time for some ‘blog-honesty’. This is one of those posts where I pour out my soul. This time it is not about my mom. It’s about my BECOMING a mom. Quite honestly, I’m scared to death! Not really about the parenting part. I’m pretty ok with that. I know there will be times that it will be tough, I'm not ignorant but I do have experience (I was a nanny for YEARS), I’ve got education, I’ve got a great hubby and a wonderful support system in place…
I’m TERRIFIED of actually giving birth to this baby. My whole life I never wanted to be pregnant. Being pregnant never appealed to me. It was never a dream of mine; I never longed to have a human conceived and growing inside of me. Me having a baby that was flesh of my flesh… well, didn’t excite me in the least. I’m good at loving other people’s kids. And well, let’s face it… I have A.D.D. and 40 weeks is a LOOOOOOONG time.
I don’t like going to the doctor.
I’m a very modest person and don’t really want everyone up in my personal space.
I don’t want ANYONE to rub or touch my growing belly (unless I invite you to).
I’m not a fan of pain.
I don’t like to be uncomfortable.
I used to always want kids, then when I was told that I couldn’t… no problem, even better, I wanted to adopt anyway… we looked into that…. It’s EXPENSIVE.
Foster care… not the road for us, really. So, no kids, is how we planned on living.
Now this surprise comes barreling into my life, don’t get me wrong, I feel incredibly blessed that God has worked this miracle in my life… I just wish He would have worked on me first. My brain still hasn’t comprehended all of what is to come. Sure most new moms feel this way… but they also had usually dreamed of being ‘a mom’. I never dreamed about it. Sometimes I would wonder… but that was it and really not for long. I’m too selfish. I know this too will change and really I’ll be ok with that too… but, I sure will miss my freedom. I also have this ‘no family’ nearby thing going on. Yes, friends have offered and I’m already grateful, but I don’t want to take advantage of the friendship. I just want to go to the grocery store without it being a big production.
People have told me that you don’t know what love is until you have your own child. As someone who has been ‘childless’ for years, I’ll tell you right now, that HURTS. DEEPLY! If you have said that, DON'T EVER SAY IT AGAIN!!!! To say that to someone says to them that they are not complete as a person. I realize that my feelings for this child will be intense, but to tell someone they don’t know the full capacity of love b/c they haven’t procreated…. BALONEY! I’m a child of the most high God, and while it may be hard to grasp sometimes, HE LOVES ME AND I KNOW IT and I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE! So before you go spilling your ‘words of wisdom’ put yourself in their shoes; what if they are unable to conceive due to a physical condition of their own or their spouse? Now, you’ve hurt them even more; 1 you’ve said they are not complete as a person and 2 there is nothing they can do about it. What if they have felt like they would be an unfit parent and have chosen not to have children? There is nothing wrong with that choice either. In a previous Thursday Thirteen way back in September, I had written my reasons for not wanting to have kids; a comment I received on that post…. “…I think you're dog-gone healthy to be so clear-headed and concise about such a subject! Really.” (thank you, Staci) Then there are people who just can’t seem to comprehend that CHOOSING to not have children can actually be the right choice for some. (Sometimes I wish more people would make that choice!) God forbid someone actually thinks about something before they dive in without checking the depth of the water! Really, I could go on all day about this… I’ve had to defend my position for years, bottom line what I am saying is; this is huge for me and its going to take a bit for me to get used to this idea. I’m sure I’ll be fine, but don’t be upset with me for not being excited out of my skin yet. I promise I will love and care for this baby with my whole heart. I just don’t like it when people say things to/about people who don’t have children, just because you procreated doesn’t make you more special than anyone else… I’ve got news for you… DONKEYS do it too! And they take care of their offspring and they don’t resent them either!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
things that amaze me
1. God's love for me.
2. Wind
3. The Ocean
4. Snow
5. The miracle of life
6. A true friend
7. Volcanos
8. Storms (even though they scare me)
9. Real talent
10. Technology
11. Stupid and/or rude people
12. That I can be a germophob and be a clutterbug!
13. My husband
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