It's that time of year and I hate it!

It's that time of year when I start realizing what 'anniversary' is coming up.  9 years and the pain hasn't eased up one bit!  Surprisingly, I don't get all emotional around Christmas, my 'bad times' are right now (The Boy's bday and 'the day') and of course Mother's Day and my birthday.  I've been choking back tears a lot the last few days, walking around w/ that closed throat feeling. It is a good thing I've been a little busy so I don't have time to sit and think about what I'm missing, what my kids are missing out on and what she has missed out on in my life too. Of course here I sit now thinking about it and well now my throat hurts and I can barely see the computer! It's not fair. And I'm still not over it. I hate it and I'm mad and I hurt and I wish things were oh so very different! I just want my mommy. I want to talk with her for hours on the phone or in person (which would be better of course)! I have a million questions about my kids, how I was as a kid, how I need/should handle some stuff with the kids. My aunts are GREAT but no one can ever replace your Mommy.  I used to be so excited about The Girl bringing home school papers and projects but now they make me cry. They made a construction paper turkey for Thanksgiving and the feathers had things they were thankful for on them... one of her feathers said "grandma".  Now technically she does have another grandmother but we refer to C's mom as "nanna" and my stepmom as "nanna-beth" and just 'grandma' is my mom. That purple feather on the bottom left is the one that says 'grandma'.

 It's adorable that she thinks of my mom, her grandma, even though she's never met her but it also makes my heart ache because she will never meet her. The Girl talks about her and asks questions about her and sometimes when she is playing alone I can hear her talking to 'grandma'. I realize that things will never change but this isn't exactly something that one can 'get over' so how exactly do I deal with this???



I haven't blogged b/c I feel obligated to include pictures and b/c a lot of 'life' goes on facebook now, but I'm going to try to fix that. :)

Smarts and Cute coming up!

Click on the colored words and it should either take you directly to the videos or bring up a link to click to go to the video.

Smartie Girl... Oxygen

Cute Boy... First time he ever actually kept up the "hoopa hoop" w/ his body. "1st Time hooping"
and the next day... look how fast he gets it going. He's gotten better each day. "hoopa hoop"
Here he is Singing his ABC's

 and video of my aunt when we were at the aquarium Horseshoe Crab

Chocolate makes me happy

Be prepared for some serious cuteness!!

KINDERGARTEN!!!

Can you believe it??? I sure can't! She was so excited to go and when I picked her up that afternoon and asked what she thought she said "it was awesome!" Let's see how long that lasts! LOL

What's new?

Life is such a roller coaster! The Girl starts KINDERGARTEN in 6 weeks!!!! That's just crazy talk right there I tell ya! Thinking about her waking up at 6:45 in the morning is reason enough for me to consider homeschooling her! She still doesn't do mornings... at. all! The Boy is VERY much a boy and in very much of a rude awakening when he wakes up one morning and his sister is not here... all. day. long! (That's going to make for a very long day for me!) C is also in for some changes coming up. He has been having some noticeable issues with his voice since the beginning of the year. It has bothered him enough that he finally went to the dr about it, she referred him to an ENT dr who did a scope and found a mass on his vocal chords. Since C uses his voice for "other than social reasons" they referred him to a surgeon who specializes in vocal surgeries. Yesterday C met with him and he took some images and they scheduled surgery for July 25th. C will be on complete voice rest for 7 days and then he will gradually be able to increase his vocal use to full speaking capacity 4 weeks post op and he should be able to go back to singing within 6-8 weeks. In other news... I got a new washer and dryer!!! WHOOO HOOOO!!!! My old machines where 15 years old and just so tiny and not energy or water efficient. I finished ALL the laundry in the house in 4 loads, that would have easily been 8 -10 loads in my old machines. I can't imagine how long that would take in the dryer. A small load was taking about 70 minutes to dry. :( I told C that we were going to save so much money by not using all the energy and water that we wouldn't even feel the payments. LOL It won't be that much, but it could quite possibly be 1/2!