whoa

This week has been pivotal in my life. Some MAJOR decisions have been made. Some major changes are coming. Stay tuned for details. (lol)
First of all: Sunday Morning church. OH. MY. GOODNESS. God amazes me. I mean seriously amazes me. I was raised in 'the church'. I've seen miracle after miracle. In my own life and in other peoples lives. A few weeks ago, I was up front at the alter praying, I had just asked God to hug me. It's all I really wanted at that moment. I was feeling a million different feelings, but all I wanted from Him right then was a hug. Silly? maybe. Little ol me, asking the God of the Universe to hug me. I mean clearly He is not a physical Being right now, but well, He's God and I needed a hug. A real one. A wrap BOTH of your arms around me and take a deep breath and sigh type hug. One that lasts more than .25 seconds. I've gotten a ton of the one arm around the shoulder types, but that is not what I wanted. Hold onto your seat b/c God did it. Of course HE didn't come down and stand there and hug me, but He certainly sent someone to do it. I was standing there, the thought had barely escaped my brain "God I need a hug from you" when these arms came around me fully and squeezed and then she started to pray in my ear. Oh those sweet words. We stood there for a few moments, I was being really hugged, and then it hit me. God just hugged me and spoke to me. He also showed me that He cares JUST FOR ME!
Now fast forward from a few weeks ago to 3 days ago. Again Sunday morning service. WOW! Totally for me. I had just spent a few hours w/ a friend a few days before whining about how I don't feel like I am anybody. I was feeling insignificant. This is not really a new feeling for me but I do feel that it has compounded since the move to TX. The newest thing is (and I don't necessarily feel this way but I feel that it is being pushed on me) that I am insignificant b/c I am not a mom. I'm sure that being a mom is wonderful IF YOU WANT TO BE ONE. I don't. I'm not. I don't know if I will ever want to. Is it wrong? I never thought so. But apparently, some people do. and ya know what? it hurts me. It's the small comments that cut deep. Well, God showed up again. (when am I going to get it, that He actually cares about ME???) The whole message was about how God can and has taken nothing and made something great. I'm not saying that I am destined for greatness but I am saying that God can do whatever he wants with me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Oh and one of the decisions that I made this week: I started GriefShare classes. They are at my church once a week, the series goes for 13 weeks. Pray for me.

:phew: this is a heavy post coming from me. I promise the next one will be lighter.

Saving Grace by Staci Wilder

OK folks, time for a small advertisement. I attend a good sized church in the Dallas area, we have about 900 members and one of them is my friend, and AUTHOR, Staci Wilder. I have this book and REALLY think you should too! You can get to her blog, "Glimpses", by clicking her name or by going to the link in my sidebar.

Here is some information on the book which has been written by the author.

SAVING GRACE: The Story Behind the Novel

The Idea:
On the first Monday morning of January 2003, I sat down with a blank page in Word opened before me on my computer screen. Previous projects were complete and it seemed very apropos that I would be beginning a brand new story in a brand new year.
It would be Grace's story, and I'd known that much for some time. While I didn't have the roadmap yet of how Grace and I would navigate through her story, I did know the story would be one about grief, forgiveness, and the road to grace.
Over the next seven months I wrote a story that I believe will always hold a special place in my heart. It was during this book that God took me to the next level of my discovery of grace. Often I would wake up, my stomach tense and nervous, because I literally had no idea what would or should happen next in the story and no clue on how to get there.
Not knowing what else to do, I'd go to my knees seeking - no, make that begging - guidance and direction just to get through the next chapter. It was during those weeks and months that I learned to bleed onto the pages of my story. I'd go from the computer to my knees, and back again. Over and over and over...
As I worked through Grace's story, God began to open the eyes of my heart to truths I'd never seen before. I wrote this story with blind faith, and no one could be as surprised at the ending as I was! Let's just say that, when it was all said and done, I'd learned yet another lesson on grace.
One afternoon I had been working on a particularly difficult chapter about midway through the book. It was a pivotal place in the story and I knew it was essential that I get it right. But it was tough going. The subject matter was heavy, the emotion was high, and I felt very inept to convey the message I knew needed to shine through.
Somewhere along the way I moved from my desk. I sat in my office chair, with the laptop propped on my knees and my feet propped on my bed. I don't remember when or how or even why. In my mind I was at The Winds in Ocean Isle with Grace. She sat across a picnic table from Kyle, trying to summon the courage to tell him the one thing she'd tried her best to keep from him, and from their marriage. It could very well be the end of her life as she knew it. Everything depended on his reaction to it.
As I prayed my way through each and every painful sentence of this scene, God took Kyle (yes, I know he's merely a character, but God really did use him!) and showed me the next level of grace.
You see, Kyle had an established relationship with God. He'd tried Him countless times before and had found Him to be true. Through his own painful loss, he'd come to know God in deep and profound ways. Kyle had experienced the same thing I did years ago. He'd had his own personal Bethel.
But Grace had not. Though she'd begun her faith walk a few years back, the baggage, hurt, and betrayal from her past were stumbling blocks in the road to forgiveness and healing where she needed to be. She loved God. She served Him. She just had no way of getting to that place of restoration under her own power.
Kyle, in spite of his own shock and pain at her words, allowed God to use him as a bridge. He stood in the gap, one hand holding tightly to Grace, the other holding even tighter to the Almighty. Grace couldn't get there on her own, but she could cling to someone who was already there and they could become her lifeline.
This is true grace.

The Writer:
I emerged from the scene above in tears and, again, changed. It may sound silly because it's just a story and, maybe, that's how God can best teach me right now. I'm not sure. What I do know is that another set of blinders were removed from my spiritual eyes that afternoon.
I was made aware of the rows and rows of folks that line our church pews. Holy, righteous people who've overcome pasts filled with unspeakable hurts and wrongs. Yes, they live for God now and, yes, there is healing in God. But sometimes it takes years to reach a place of true restoration. True grace.
And that's when we can be a bridge. We can stand in the gap, holding tightly to our fellow brother or sister with one hand, and holding even more tightly to Jesus with our other.
Of course, there is more to my life than just fiction. I’m also a wife, mom, and student, and am passionate about each of these roles. I write about these different facets of my life in Glimpses, my blog. Please join me there. I’d love to meet you!


What’s Next From Staci:
Currently, I’m working on the sequel to Saving Grace. It is called Finding Faith, and is the second in the Sycamore Manor Series.

Here is a brief blurb:
She awakens to face one of the greatest fears known to woman. He has waited a lifetime for love, guarding close a secret he intends to share with no one, except the woman he intends to marry. Frightened and alone, she turns to him for answers and, while he wants to protect her, he is helpless to do so. Can she find strength in his care? Can he find the care he craves in her frailty?

While showering one morning, thirty-two year old Faith Chandler discovers a lump in her left breast. Immediately, her mind and emotions begin a tug-of-war, one invoking rationalization, the other—sheer panic. An enthusiastic junior high school English teacher, Faith’s future—the one she thought she had forever to think about—seems suddenly overcast.

Thirty-six year old Marshall Morgan finds fulfillment in his work. The CEO and director of the teen pregnancy home founded by his late grandmother, he takes pride in what he’s come to view as a ministry of sorts. Still, there’s a vacancy in his heart, a place for a special woman that the Lord has yet to reveal to him. And then…there is his secret, the one he intends to share with no one, except the woman who will become his wife. When petite, dark-haired Faith Chandler walks through his door, he wonders if—at last—he is meeting the woman who will make his life complete.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK, this is me again:
I love you Staci, and I am completly in awe of your talent, your friendship, and your dedication to your work. Thank you for being a friend to me!!! Wanna go golfing??? :-)

What in the name of everything that is holy....

am I doing up??? and I mean UP. I am awake, brewing coffee, and (blogging obviously) wishing that C was up so that I can stripe the bed and wash the linens! (???) OK, for some people it is not that unusual to be up and brewing coffee and even blogging at 6:15am, but for someone who doesn't work or have kids and LOVES to sleep in, this IS unusual. Now, the intense desire to be washing my bed linens is what I feel is quite unusual for just about anybody. (coffee's ready, brb) So, why in the world am I feeling this way?? Did I have a dream about doing the linens? If so, I don't remember it. However, I did just buy some new downy w/ febreze that is citrus scented and OF COURSE I bought it on the day after I finished washing all the laundry (notice I didn't say 'finished DOING' all the laundry b/c in my eyes then all the laundry would be PUT AWAY and not sitting on various pieces of furniture in my home in mountainous piles mocking me). I also have an urge to vacuum. I mean seriously what is up with all this??? So instead, I will blog, then settle in to read a publication by my dear friend Staci. Waking Emma. No doubt it will be good, it looks long, so it should get me through my day. I have to waste enormous amounts of time today at the dealership. My car needs an oil change and the brakes are behaving weird, so they need to be checked out. Then I have to go to the police station. The bank sent me an affidavit to fill out regarding the draining of our account and on it they want to know the name of the officer that we reported it to... well, we never reported it. I didn't know I had to. I'm also going to wash the sheets on my bed, lest I get woken up at another ungodly hour tomorrow morning.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.................

Ok this is cool. I’ve never been tagged on a blog before… I’ve ‘lifted’ ideas from other blogs but have never actually been called out to do one. So YAY! I’m excited!!!
However, this may prove to be more boring than you ever imagined.

Accent: oh New York all the way. If you really want to hear it, just get me excited about something or mad. Then it REALLY comes out. “Y’all” just doesn’t flow from my lips. Oh and “fixin’” what’s up with THAT???

Bible book I love: Ecclesiastes is my book of choice right now. But these things vary.

Chore I don't care for: putting laundry away. Actually doing the laundry is no big deal, I throw it from one machine to the next, but putting it away UGH! I’d rather clean the toilets.

Dog or cat: Dog. Hands down.

Essential electronics: wireless internet on my laptop. (how much more spoiled can I actually be??? Unfortunatly, I learned I can live w/ out my cell phone. Someone decided they needed to teach me that lesson so they took my phone w/out my permission!!!!

Favorite movie: Sleepless in Seattle. My mom and I used to quote it to each other.

Gold or silver: silver

Handbag I carry most: The one that matches my outfit! DUH!

Insomnia: hardly ever.

Job Title: wife.

Kids: none. Ever. Thankyouverymuch.

Living arrangements: C and I reside in our home w/ our 2 dogs quite happily I might add.

Most memorable moment: When my mom died. It was amazing. It was just me and her and God.

Naughtiest childhood behavior: “I am covered, covered, covered by His blood.” and that is all you will get out of me!

Phobias: many. Insects, what could be in the dark, a home invasion, and I am sure that there are more I just can’t think right now.

Religion: I’m a one-God apostolic, tongue-talking, holy roller, born again, heaven bound believer!

Siblings: A brother, B. He is 5 yrs older than me.

Time I wake up: It varies. I do try to get up by 9 at the latest.

Unusual talent: hmmm, I play the Kazoo, does that count?

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Cauliflower, broccoli, cooked spinach, zucchini, um it would be easier for me to list the ones that I will eat. I’m not a fan of the veggies.

Worst habit: eating too much. And I’m also a worry wart.

X-rays: my foot, my hand, my arm, my teeth, and my head. (thank God it wasn’t a tumor!)

Yummy stuff I cook: Chicken Piccata. Just about anything Italian.

Zoo animal I like the most: Giraffes and Penguins! Oh they are soooo cute!!!

A beautiful sight!

RAIN! Finally. Not a whole lot. But water fell from the heavens this afternoon. It brought such sweet relief. I watch the temperature outside go from 100 degrees to 83 degrees in just 30 minutes. It was all so perfect, I was sitting on the couch in our living room, reading; the house was 'picked up' and the bread machine was kneading the dough for fresh bread tonight when I heard it; Plink. Plink. Plinkplink. Plink. I looked up and sure enough the leaves on the banana tree outside where shiny. Then a rumble of thunder. Oh Thank You God! North Texas is in such need of rain. We need more, but just the 10 minute spell of rain today made me soooo happy. I ran and got my camera to capture the event. Here it is:


Finally. Thank God!